Today was not what I thought I needed....I was so wrong

Today was a day like I have never had before, but one I do not necessarily desire to have again anytime soon. Allow me to explain. I have been in a storm in recent months where wave after wave has pounded me to the point of breaking. The funny thing is I have been praying through the bridge of the song Oceans by Hillsong for months leading up to this point. The very lyrics say-
 "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior"

As I prayed this through, I sincerely meant it however, as the Lord began to lead me out into the depths with trials, changes and LIFE, I started kicking and screaming for the shore. For months I had begun to destruct relationships, burn bridges, allow my joy to be sabotaged and even allowed my work to suffer. I was even angry with God for a period of time because I felt that if He would just talk to me and give me a little direction I could make it, but to no avail. No matter how mad I got, how frustrated I became, how much good I even tried to front nothing changed. I felt no real joy, no peace, I actually felt like I was out of my body, watching myself throw my days away but I didn't even care enough to stop it. The funny thing was that my job was going well, finances were on point and our ministry was flourishing like never before. By all rights I should have been thrilled, not so. I went to church, 'praised' God (although the songs had lost their meaning and depth) and even agreed with the messages, but there was no real meaning anymore. Then there was today. Every message I heard was on faith and how God was trying to grow faith. As I worked through my day God turned my heart in an instant and allowed me to see like I hadn't in quite a long time. Scales had been removed, joy and peace flooded my heart once again and I was back to feeling like my old self. Nothing changed in my situation or circumstance just how I viewed it all and the realization of the need for the storms. Suddenly I am on top of the waves and not simply being knocked around by them. So now you can see I appreciate the place the storm took me but I am not truthfully in a hurry to be in the storm again except when God has a destination to direct me to. My point is remain faithful and even when you feel like you can't be trust God because He is not conformed to your circumstance and will surely conform your circumstances to His purposes in His perfect time. M.A.D.E. OUT